I missed the 1st Day of Blogging 101! I cannot find an email or anything telling me. I just am seeing others are on day 2 already! I really forgot something. I will try to do the second assignment tonight. You know there may be times when I am too ill to do anything other than sit in a dark room and count my breathing so I do not focus on my pain. Meditative states are very helpful for me since pain meds just do not work with me.
Who am I? I am a mixed up brain injured biologist with PTSD due to child and domestic abuse. Long story short. I should be dead. Instead I just got a cracked head. I do my best, but some days my body completely betrays me. This is because I have Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome. EDS caused my mother’s heart to be so fragile that she passed away 2 days after surgery. Her passing opened the eyes of our doctors, and knowing is power. My daughters and I can prevent injury with exercise and awareness of our bodies.
I am a writer that took a long time off from writing because of my health problems. I am back to writing because I remembered how healing it was for me after the brain injury. The twist here…. before the injury I was all math and science. I hated to write. I lost my ability to do math, and have not recovered that portion of my memories. However, I have discovered that I can write better than I did when in college. I just had to relearn the alphabet and my words were flowing.
No matter what I am going thru I try to be happy and positive about it. This makes people think I am not in pain. I am in pain all the time. I just choose to be happy rather than miserable and whiny. Ok. Sometimes I do whine, but then I flush the pity pot and move on as best as I can.
I believe that a smile and a laugh are more priceless than anything money could ever hope to buy. Patch Adams played by Robin Williams taught me well that everyone has a heart. Even those that abuse have a heart hidden somewhere if only in the stars they see at night. Following my heart has kept me alive by warning me. My brain may be too broke to be a doctor, but my heart is not so broken that I cannot see the human in the eyes of everyone around me.
I may not know answers, but I can look for them. I always remember the ability to find out what the answers are if I do not know. I am still alive and still breathing. I am blessed to have had the blessing of children I love. I know what I do now because each one has taught me so much. Therapy taught me how to parent, but being a parent taught me that presence is more important than presents.