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“There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.” -Henry Wordsworth
I do not feel happy. I am heart broken. Those who have left this Earth for the beauty and love in the realm of peace. I know they are not suffering. I know that they want their loved ones to be happy. Yet, I am still in the midst of grief. The stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance is not set in stone. Each person grieves in their own way, and will pass thru the 5 states of emotion.
I am still in denial, yet I accept the truth. I am angry because I cannot call my Mom or my Dad for advise. I am mad that my brother and I will not share those precious family moments that kept up strong to survive our youth. My friends who have passed way to young I am angry they never grew out of their 20’s. They choose to continued to feed addictions that were strong enough to kill them. My loved ones that killed themselves I am really mad at because they never tried to reach out. I feel so alone even in a crowd. My body will be there, but I feel scattered as the stars.
I am so depressed I do not want to leave my bedroom. I just want to wrap myself in blankets and try to deny that my heart is broken. I have been holding back my tears because they can bring on a horrible migraine. It makes me feel callous while trying to protect myself from pain.
I have no motivation. I just want to hide. I know it is not right, but that is all I can do right now. I want to write my own list of happiness, but it is hard for me to see the happy in my little part of the world. I cannot read blogs due to distraction of my depression, my pain, and the empty feeling in my heart. I am forcing myself to write these words. If only to mark this pain I have right now.
I lost all those who I could talk to when the times get rough in my life. So I am turning to this blog so I can “release” the emotions that I am drowning in.
Spiritdancing said:
You are right where you are suppose to be, we need to grieve and it is ok…and we are all right here for you…share with us and we will support you thru this….much love and light
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Tracey said:
Thank-You. I am just so tired of grieving again. My brother was like my twin. I feel as if part of me is gone with him.
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Vibrant said:
Dear Tracey,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are such a beautiful soul. Please don’t hesitate to talk about your feelings and pain as it’s a great therapy for all of us.
I would also suggest some breathing techniques which help immensely as I have had a great experience with them.
If you trust me, you can share your feelings with me in detail. I am dropping my mail here. If you don’t then please keep writing here and every time you do just drop me a comment, just a brief hello on any of my posts or on our Alumni forum. I would be glad to hear you attentively. Please don’t be hard on yourself as we all face very difficult times in our lives which are followed by good times. Time never remains same. Stay strong and love yourself. Don’t hesitate to cry out as it relieves us a great deal.
Here is link to Alumni forum: https://blogging101alumni.wordpress.com/
Here is my email-ID: thinkerv0@gmail.com
I wish you bliss, peace and light. 🙂
Sincerely,
Anand 🙂
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Tracey said:
Thank-You Anand! Yes I do my meditations and try to remain positive. I have lost 12 friends and family in 3 years. Mom, Dad, and Brother in 2 years. I survive just by keeping my faith in my God. On step at a time is all I can do, and wake up tomorrow. I am trying to keep focus on the positives. My children have been very kind by watching over me. My girls are 17 and really can take care of themselves. It makes my heart sing to see them bloom in such amazing women with a strong self esteem, a sense of what is right and wrong, and they are always willing to help others if the need is present.
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Vibrant said:
I am glad you have family to look after you. It’s difficult to cope with grief. I have written about a few things in mail and hope to continue discussion with you. It’s good that you are taking one step at a time and counting your blessings.
Love and peace ❤
Anand
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