As I move through the grief in my soul I am looking for the blessings amongst the curses. I am doing my best not to be blinded by sadness. I know my loved ones who have passed would not want to see me sad all the time. I know my Mom would be finding a way to laugh and connect with loved ones here on Earth. Those loved ones are very much cherished in my heart.
They live on because I can share the stories that they shared with me. As long as I do not forget they are still alive in spirit. They live on in the children that are right here right now, and sharing the same love as the ones we lost.
The greatest happiness in my life are
They are beautiful inside and outside. Seeing them grow and become amazing adults makes my heart sing. It is bittersweet. They can take care of themselves. They are always willing to help others. They are kind, but they know how to defend themselves from negativity. They have seen both signs of the coin in humanity. They understand that being and doing good things brings more good things to life. They understand that lying, hating, and just being mean is only going to make matters worse.
My youngest son was bullied in elementary school. Him and I discussed why bullies bully. The next day he went to his bully rather than trying to hide. He went straight up to his bully and said. “I have more friends than you because your mean. If you stop being mean we all can be your friends.” They were friends til they graduated.
My son is in college now. In his lifetime he has saved 3 people from drowning. He started to swim in the bathtub. At the age of 2 I was in the baby pool with him and his twin sisters. He was going to follow his father, but realized his dad was not going to the big pool. He turned around and jumped in deep end and started swimming back to the baby pool. He swam all the way underwater. He got to the ladder in the shallow end and asked me if he could do it again. Of course, I let him because I seen the spark in his eye. He still loves water, and swims better then his father.
He saved me from undiagnosed diabetes. He was still in elementary school. When he could not wake me up he gave me the same medicine my grandma gave to him. A piece of candy. He would put candy in my mouth and watch me til I woke up. That boy… no he is a man now… is amazing. Nothing rattles him. Even being on fire does not scare him. He told me “I just put out the fire. Can you please buy me some new jeans, socks, shirt, and a snack for tomorrow during break in classes.”
He is a man now and I love him so much it is worth risking the pain to have him in my life. I was told I could not have more children. 3 years later I was pregnant with him. At 2 days old he looked me in the eye and his eyes were sparkling as if he knew a joke he could not tell yet. Shortly after he was born I found out I was pregnant with twins. Three babies in 2 years is not recommended, but my prayers to have a child were answered. I still am amazed that God brought them into my life. I Thank God everyday for the blessings he sent me in the children he wanted to bring into this world. I love them all just as much as I love those that passed.