One cannot be seen without the other. Dark vs Light are just one set of opposites found in the lives of humanity. Good vs Bad. You know the good survives and the bad gets put away or dies. I feel I am always balancing between the two opposites. Blessings vs Curses.
There is always an equal and opposite reaction for every action. I have done my best to survive when no one helped me. Then those that knew who I was before my brain injury have passed into heaven. I feel very alone, and desperate to run as fast as I can away from the cursed house that claimed my brother’s life.
Peace of my soul will not have full peace until I know exactly how he passed and when he passed. Undefined is not acceptable. Yet, I don’t want to know. I am just going to look at the blessing of this curse. My brother is no longer in pain, but I am left here on earth with the pain of my invisible scars. PTSD is never really gone. It just jumps into action when there is a stressor.
PTSD only increases my issues of not sleeping, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and my memory. I have had a headache all week and was blaming in my stress. Today while cleaning the garage, I remembered why my head hurt so bad. I almost knocked myself out when I stood up and bashed the top of my head on the workbench while moving stuff so I can move more stuff so I can bring more stuff home.
Then I wondered if the workbench just knocked me on the head to redirect me… Maybe it is time to give up having a workshop where I can be left alone to create something.
An artist without any ideas……….
My brain is still twisted
or is it my heart.
I don’t know.
I just do not know
where to go from here.